Anon
Anon '''is the fifth guy to appear in the game. He is unlocked by reaching level 16 in the Gaming (Gamer) hobby. Story wise, he is turned into a lemur, and meets you in a cafe after you accidentally hack into NORAD. '''Personality Anon comes off as a reclusive and cheeky geek who is content with his tendency to spend most of his time online. Dialogue List 'First Meeting' #You decide to try searching the "internets" for information on the manimals you cursed. You grab a seat at an internet cafe, and start internetting. But after a few quick searches, you realize you've accidentally hacked into NORAD. #A mysterious message pops-up on your screen, from a hacker called Anon. He congratulates you on your leet hacking skillz, and calls for a truce. #"I cannae BELIEVE ye beat ma best time! Even as i was tryin' to stop ye! That kind of hackin' demands a pint to celebrate. Let's go - I'm at the computer just in front of ye. DOn't mind ma affliction. #You look up, and are surprised to see a lemur where you were expecting to see something more human-shaped. It's one of the boys you cursed! Now you just have to break the news that his 'affliction' is your fault... Adversary * I'm a lemur. Can I be excused? Talk * At least ye didn't turn me into a frog. Long, lonely story that one. Name's Anon, by the by. * Meh. At least I still have thumbs. I can type. I can raid. Ye can go. I got dis. * U wot, mate? Ye sayin' yer the source of ma plight? Are ye just havin' a go at me? * So yer the daft punk that /b/ witched me, aye? And here I was hopin' I was just trippin' red bulls or something. * I should be doxxin' ye back to the stone age. Yer children's children will be receivin' glitter bombs when I'm through with ye! Date * Dinner Gawd, is there any greater achievement of mankind than unlimited free bread? There's nae. I checked. * BoatRide Those Koi fish now have 59,000 followers. And a lot of creepy fanart on 4chan. The internet didn't let me down today. * Coaster Look, all's well that ends well. Sure, the roller coaster crashed. But now that's a thing we can look back on fondly together. Brings a tear to ma eye. * Carnival Ye be scared yer way, and I'll be mine. While ye were shakin' in yer boots at cardboard ghosties, I was checkin' the crypto market. Talk about fear! Poke * What did ye just do to me? I'll have you know I graduated top of ma class in the Navy Seals, and I have over 300 confirmed... Oh wait. This isn't the internet. Don't tickle me like that. Upgrade to Acquaintance # Alright. If ye be insistin' on pesterin' me fuck me in the ass, ye can stick around. But be warned that I'm still plannin' ma revenge, and it will be a sight to behold when I enact it. # Good. We're both on the same page. Grab a controller, let's game. Acquaintance * Perchin' on the toiler is ma new least favorite thing. Talk * Ye sure do like to blather. Mind puttin' these in a text, so I can ignore them at ma leisure? * Stickin' around? Yer choice. But now we're gonna talk a bit about if P = NP, and all the applications it has on yer life. Startin' right now. * Did ye know we're a quantum tunnelin' event away from collapsin' the false vacuum of the universe and ceasin' to exist? Bein' a lemur don't seem so bad now, aye? * Ugh. I've got this weird impulse to bask in the sun now. I'm a gawd-damn basement dweller with a sun fetish. Where's a decent poacher when ye need em? * I caught myself hackin' into the global banana supply database today. I was less concerned about the impulse, and more about the fact that there's a global banana supply database. Date * as Adversary Poke * as Adversary Upgrade to Frenemy # I'm lookin' for a character reference or ma resume. I'm puttin' yer number on there, and yer goin' to say nice things for me, aye? # Good, I'm glad we understand one another. Also, this wasn't the most awkward way ever to ask for yer number. Don't be slanderin' me with yer baseless accusations. # 'Friend' picture While you're outside getting some much needed sun, Anon looks up from his phone laughing. "Ahaha! Look'it this little guy. He fell down! Hahaha! Oh, by the way, we're friends now. Don't make a big deal o'vit." Frenemy * The next twat that yells zaboomafoo in ma face is gettin' wrecked. Talk * as Acquaintance Gift * Ah, thanks. Nice and practical, and I can sell it online if I ever need extra scratch. Perfect! Date * as Acquaintance Poke * as Acquaintance Upgrade to Friendzoned # Ye be a nice sort. Just the sort to fit nicely in the friendzone. Bet ye hear that pretty often, aye? # Glad I could keep a tradition goin'. Friendzoned * A lemur's diet consists mostly of fruit and leaves. That was already ma diet. Only I did other stuff with the leaves... Talk * I hacked into the Pentagon again today. I left a crumb train, so the NSA would raid ma home. When they got there, I was a lemur. I'm like a troll gawd now. * I was just thinkin' how much I blood love cats. Fuzzy little murder machines. Turn me into a cat next time, if yer feelin' kindly. * HA! I just realized that yer magic spell regressed ma genetics and throws evolution into doubt. Checkmate atheists, aye? * Did ye know the word "Lemur" is Latin for "spirit of the dead". If yer wonderin' if that's ma new gamertag, yer damn right. * All of me closeted furry friends are spammin' me with DTFs now. That's nae me complainin'. I'm from the internet. I'd be more insulted if they did nae do it. * It's the little mistakes that get ye. Ma first energy drink, I failed to account for bein' a quarter ma size. Lemurs don't need 2000 mg of taurine; let me tell ye. Gift * as Frenemy Date * as Frenemy Poke * as Frenemy Upgrade to Awkward Besties # Wut's that? We gotta snog to break the curse? Flippin' A, that's ma kinda curse. Are ye sure a pint won't do the trick? Aw well. Kiss it is. # Here's goes nothing. # 'Kiss' picture "So we gotta try a kiss to break the curse? Haha! Ye've gotta kiss a monkey!" He puckers up, the sparkles and bubbles appear, and the face you're kissing gets much less furry. Progress! Awkward Besties * I miss pants. Never thought I would say that. Talk * Did ye know lemurs have a matriarchal society? Ye could say it taught me about male privilege and equality. But then again, ye could say lots of things. Like, "I am a banana." * But now ye see the truth, aye? I be as ginger as Canadian Dry. Ye best be warned what that means... That I'm just as sweet and refreshin' too. Wink wink. * Are ye busy? I was thinkin' about hackin' into the power grid for the western seaboard and causin' massive blackouts for the lulz. But we could go get ice cream instead, I suppose. * Oh thank Cthulhu, I can wash ma hands properly again. Sweet burnin' sensation of alcohol-based cleansers, how I've missed ye! * Oh hey, I'm mostly human again. I'll celebrate by doin' the stuff I was already doin'. But sexier. * Yesterday I hacked into the NCIC to wipe yer criminal record. But it was already blank. I think that means we need to cause a little more trouble around here. * Glad to have ma manhood back and proper though. It might be the silliest lookin' thing in nature, but gawd damn if i wasn't over havin' fuzzy junk instantly. * If ye be unable to cure me of these ears and tail, we can call it even if ye give yerself soma too. I think ye'd look fetchin' with soma kitty ears. Gift * Ye don't need to buy me things! No really - I can get just about anything I want on the dark web. I've got bitcoin for days. Date * .Dinner Hahaha! I told ye those lemur selfies would pay for themselves. Now I'm the official mascot of three restaurants, two sports teams, and a largely fiber-based cereal! * BoatRide It's bloody well barbaric! If ye can't find a power outlet in the middle of a lake while ridin' on the back of some plastic pink monstrosity, then I don't want to live on this planet anymore! * Coaster Yer just jealous that I'm so good at multitaskin' that I can text and coast at the same time. * Carnival Oh, just snuggle up and watch. Ye've heard of Netflix and chill? Well this is Netflix and... chillin'? Somathing. Whatever, shut up, I'm watchin' ma stories. Poke * I get tickled. I laugh. I upvote. Upgrade to Crush # I was thinkin' today that I'd like to start awkwardly flirtin' with ye. I recommend before things go further that ye make peace with that. # Good. There's nothing worse about awkward flirtin' than it actually bein' awkward. I can't abide that much cringe in ma life. Crush * Nah, ye don't need to adjust yer settings. I really like this good Talk * as Awkward Besties Gift * Aww, look it ye givin' me nice things like it's goin' out of style. Just like this gift. Ha! Just jokin' luv, don't look at me like that. Date * as Awkward Besties Poke * as Awkward Besties Upgrade to Sweetheart # So yer sayin that "feels = reals" or soma nonsense, and the power of love and friendship is gonna change me back? # I cannae believe I'm stuck in some weeaboo bullshit fantasy game. Oh well - let's give'er a try! Sweetheart * Unfortunately, I must still smell pretty attractive to other lemurs. Ma last trip to the zoo, there were a lot of thirsty lemurs checkin' me out... Talk * as Crush Gift * as Crush Date * as Crush Poke * as Crush Upgrade to Boyfriend # I accidentally updated ma Twitch stream that I was in a relationship. I don't want to be bothered changin' it back, so let's just make it official, aye? # Great. Thanks for savin' me nine seconds of inconvenience. I appreciate it. Boyfriend * Oi, nice to see ye. Are we goin' to be makin' a nuisance of ourselves together today? Talk * I just noticed yer the attractive sort. Ye've got the kind of eyes that take one's breath away. If I faint, I'm hackin' yer instagram. * Ye busy? I was goin' to make a bad "Nutflix and chill" joke, then get super awkward when ye hesitate, before goin' to make memes for a few hours instead. But I can cancel. * Damn. I actually really like ye, and I want to do a bunch of romantic normie bs now. Ma sarcastic nature just can't handle it. * We should hold hands. Once ye've washed yers. No offense. The thought of microscopic germs pollutin' ma bloodstream and impregnatin' me with their asexual offspring just ruins the mood a bit. * I like ye better than cats. Almost. It's within R point two plus minus alt 5. That's crazy romantic, aye? Gift * This will look great on ma bedroom floor. In fact there's a few things I could imagine lookin' great there... Date * as Sweetheart Poke * Ack! Ye made me giggle! Now it's ma turn to make ye blush! Upgrade to Lover # So this is it. The last level before I turn back to normal. It's been uhh... Pleasant actually. Ye've been a right proper sweetheart, and I hope ye choose to stick around. # Thanks luv. I feel the same. # 'Lover' picture "Hey - I took this photo for ye to get'cha hot and bothered. Did it work? And no, before ye accuse me, I did nae photoshop the abs. You can tell because of the way it is. Hit me up sometime when you want to make trouble." - Anon Lover * Ye be a fairer sight than a bitcoin surge, luv! Talk * as Boyfriend Gift * as Boyfriend Date * Masquerade Aye luv, I'll put the phone down and dance ye up proper. But first the selfie. Always the selfie first. * the rest are same as Boyfriend Upgrade to Max Lover # Yeah yeah yeah. Stop givin' me that smug look. Yer as romantic as hell, n' ye keep blowin' ma mind. Shut it. # Ahh, just jokin', ma wee haggis! Keep it up. Ye know I love it. Max Lover * as Lover Talk * Nae gonna lie, I miss the ears. I was a kawaii little bastard, aye? But I'm glad ma headphones aren't just cosmetic anymore. * Looks like ye've cured me with the power of love. That's so lame that we may as well kiss and live happily ever after, like the bloody cliches we are. Gift * ... I dunno what to say... Thanks luv... It's... good. Date * as Lover Poke * as Lover Requirement Table Trivia * He is a germaphobe. * He smokes weed, at least recreationally. * He loves cats. * He makes several references to being internet savvy (/b/, 4chan, doxxing, "Navy Seal" copypasta, etc) * Judging by his accent and appearance (bright blue eyes, bright orange hair), Anon is most likely Irish or Scottish. * He is based off of 707 from the mobile game Mystic Messenger. * He is related to Nina from Crush Crush. 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